Why are Leaves Green?

Wilbur, the Roving Reporter


I was talking to my good friend Lucy recently and asked her why are leaves green? Her response was short and to the point,

"Because they are not read!"

Well, that intrigued me. Of course they are not read I thought, they aren't newspapers or magazines. This then lead me to conjure an experiment.

"What if I tried to read some leaves?"

Maybe they would be come a different color, say purple or salmon. What if after you read one they turned black and start singing opera (I once heard a flower singing a stanza of Oklahoma, which surprised me since it was blooming in Kansas near Overland Park)? So yesterday I went out to my red oak tree in the front lawn, grabbed a couple of leaves with my trunk and held them close to my eyes to find their hidden message.

I saw nothing.

I went back in to my study, got out the magnifying glass and looked again reasoning that their messages maybe too small for an elephant to see. Like they could have be written for an ant.

I looked again and found nothing.

At this point I was just about to give up when I remembered an experiment I saw Mr. Wizard perform when I was 2 years old where he wrote invisibly with lemon juice on paper and used a candle to reveal the words by heating the underside of the paper. So over to the fireplace I went and held the leaves as long as I could near the flame, my hopes running high.

Nothing still!

At first that is.

But my trunk was getting too hot so I went back to my desk, got out the candle Grandmother left me for emergencies - convinced this was an emergency - I lit it and set it in a holder. I then held one of the leaves over it. As it turned brown, and just before it burst into flames, I heard it...

The leaf was singing!

Not very loud of course, it was only one leaf, but I heard it! And it was opera. Wagner I thought, but then it burst into flames and as it did it burst into a refrain of "Feelings." I dropped it to the floor and stomped it out. I then took up the second leaf and repeated the experiment, being careful not to burn it up. Sure enough, as the leaf slowly turned brown music came from it, but this time several songs were manifested. Opera, rock, even country! Wow!

I was so excited with my news that I rushed over to Lucy's and told her everything. I had discovered that leaves are green, not because they are not read, but because no one is listening to them sing.

Lucy sat there politely listening to me. When I finished, she said ok, turned and went into her kitchen for a cup of cocoa.

Connect the Dots

Hi Everyone,
Here is a page from my upcoming book: "Squigley Man Meets His Friends."
Doggie Winston is an active mutt who likes to find dots. When he gets them all lined up he lets you play with them in the Connect the Dots game. Have fun!

Rules for Connect-The-Dots
This game is usually played with two or three players (if more play, the field of dots should be enlarged). Start by choosing who goes first. The first player connects any two adjacet dots going in a verticle or horizontal direction only. The next player does the same and so on. Each player can only connect two unconnected dots each turn unless they completely enclose a box. When this is done the player puts hers or his initial in the box and is alowed to draw another
line. If this line encloses another box, the player once again puts their initial in the box and draws another line. The player continues so long as they enclose boxes. When they can no longer enclose a box their turn is over and the next player tries to enclose boxes for their initials. When all boxes are enclosed the players tally their initials and the player with the highest tally wins.

Johnathan Seeks the Master

Johnathan hopped his jet scooter and flew to the upper limits. He had a most important question and simply had to find the Master. His question must be raised, his voice heard!


So, high above the trees, Johnathan found him. Then, when he finally got the frog out of his voice (squeaky as it was, being a frog and all), he conjured up the nerve and asked the Master face-to-face. . .

“Can I serve crumpets with the waldorf salad on Tuesday after the soccer match?”

Birth of Mountains - Part One

excerpted from "Coffee Cup Chatter, Volume 1, Number 2" by Professor Schmidt

There really are only two significant theories on the mechanics of mountain formation. This article will lay bare the facts for all to see. I have my own personal favorite, but being the man of science I will remove myself from the equation.

Uplift
Simply stated this is the theory that there are forces far below the ground that exert enormous pressure upward to lift massive amounts of rocks and trees to form the mountains we all love to climb and carve. This process comes in spurts and often is associated with rumbling and shaking of the top-land. Furthermore this process seems to behave in a cyclical fashion, occurring over long periods of time. The mystery of this remained elusive until one day, Carmen Backwater, a Cajun who was mining for salt on a little spit of land that bordered Liechtenstein and Austria. He was deep in his mine when the mountain started rumbling and a void opened below him and he fell a great distance and landed on, of all things, a haystack. He says, and I quote:

“I saw the strangest site I have ever seen. When I crawled down from the enormous stack I found my self in the midst of a gigantic celebration. People were everywhere dressed in funny clothing, dancing and eating and truly seemed happy. As I looked around -- my eyes became adjusted to the strange light that cast shadows in many directions -- I spied something that froze me stone-solid. It was the largest corkscrew I ever saw! [his emphasis]. The bottom point of it was thrust deep in to the ground near to where I was standing, but the top of it pressed hard on the rock ceiling, the very ceiling through which I had just recently fallen. About two thirds of the way up protruding radially and equally spaced were four long handles and on each of these handles sat a griffon. . .”

Well Carmen goes on and on, but I must paraphrase him now for the sake of shortening this article (if you want his full account I am told it will soon be available in his book “Mountain Scews and Mountain Gnomes: A Day in the Life Below”, by Carmen Backwater, esq.).

Apparently, when the mountain gnomes reach a particular population density and run out of room to live, they simply turn their massive corkscrews that hold up their ceilings until there is a pop (which we here on top feel as a rumble). This creates more caves on the edges of their land. Into these are plied rocks sprinkled with diamond and gold dust for some unknown reason.

And this my dear friends is the basic tenets of the Uplift theory of mountain formation, and though I love my friend Carmen like a brother, it must remain a theory until validated by scientists like me.

In the next issue I will cover the “Mountain Egg” theory of mountain formation -- Birth of Mountains, Part Two. ¤

Rabbit Cook

Rabbit Cook has a secret and it is up to you to find out what it is.

And no the thing in her right hand is not a knife, it is a pestle for pulping fruit when making jelly.

The best possible secrets will be shown in the comments below.

Sir Walter Manfred

“Sir Walter Manfred is quite handsome in his new hand-knitted sweater. The yarn came from an alpaca farm in western Washington and was spun by Nurse Amanda in New Jersey.”

Squigley Man Goes Out